Updated: Oct 8
My addiction started when I was about 12, just after I got molested by someone in the family. It hurt like hell knowing that at first no one believed me at that point. That made me to start smoking. At the age of 14 I started drinking. The drinking got so bad that I ended up drinking at school, on the premises and in class. Even when being kicked out of boarding school for smoking and drinking in the rooms it did not stop me, just drank more and more. When I started going to a new school I started bunking classes just to smoke. At the age of 17 I went to live with my biological father .not knowing that I was already pregnant with my first born. I only found out I was pregnant when I was already 5 months pregnant . This was a pregnancy I did not enjoy due to being molested by my dad’s friend. I shouted for my dad to come but no one came. I ended up giving the baby up for adoption due to circumstances. Things went well for awhile. After matric I moved to Durban to meet my biological mother and that is something that I regret doing today. I met a guy that introduced me to drugs. For a while it was just the drugs. But then one day the abuse started. I tried getting away, sending my mom please call me’s at 02:00 in the morning. When she finally phoned he grabbed the phone and hit me so hard that .y face instantly swelled up. Yet stupid me I did not leave. The abuse continued and so did the drug use. Finally one night I manage to escape the abuse. A few months went by where I was only drinking. I met a guy. At first I thought it was all moonshine and Rose’s. But then him to started abusing me. Even got thrown with a phanga but luckily it missed.
At the age of 21 on my birthday I found out I was pregnant. It was suppose to be a happy time but yet it was the worst time in my life. The father of the child was abusing me emotionally every single day up until the day I had a miscarriage. Instead of talking about how I felt I turned to alcohol and drugs for comfort myself. And it just got out of hand. I moved out of my biological mother’s house and ended up living on the street. And every time I wanted to go back home I just remember my stepdads words( once u walk out of that door u can never come back). I ended up living on the street and on the stairs of a hotel.
That’s when I met this cop and we became friends. Soon the friendship became to more than friends. I before I knew if I was pregnant again. The one day we had a fight and I decided I don’t want the baby anymore. I tried everything I could think of to get rid of the baby. I drank excessively from dusk to dawn. Then one I met this guy that introduced me to another drug, and just like that I was hooked. Smoking every day for about a week. Until the night the cop found me and took me away from the drugs.
I soon came to realise if I continue on this road I will end up dead. So I picked up the phone and messaged my mom. Just like that I was back home safe. I never bonded with the baby in side of me cause did not want him. Ended giving him up for adoption. A few days later I had a breakdown and just cried non stop. Only my mom could calm me down.
In 2011 I stated with my nursing career and it went well and so I thought. I failed my first year due to drinking. But luckily I hot a second chance I did my best that I could.
2012 was when I met my 3rd child’s father. For the first few months it went well but then the abuse started and it escalated really fast. In 2013 I fell pregnant and I thought the abuse will stop, but no it just continued and continued . Form physically to emotional to verbally. Then one day I just had enough and left with our child and never looked back.
It went well for me. I graduated from nursing college. My mom and step dad was very proud of me. I missed my mom a lot that I ended up moving back home but that did not last long. As I met the wrong crowd of people and moved away from home again. Mom and I stopped talking me, due to she tried her best for me to come back home but never did. My life started going backwards instead of forwards. I left my job just to drink everyday. Then last year February is when I relapsed back on drugs. I lost control of myself, not eating for 16 days. Somehow I still managed to make sure my child was fed and bathed . In March my daughter got raped by someone I knew . And that is something no one should have to go through. But yet I continued to use trying to get rid of the guilt and the hurt. I was in denial. People came to me and told me that I have a problem but I just brushed it off. I soon realised I do have a problem and needed help quickly. I have it rock bottom. Had no job my daughter taken away from me. I have lost everything.
That’s when I decided to come to PRC. On arriving I was still in denial about my drug use and said I only have an alcohol problem. But the day the email came through from my mom asking if I was using was the day I accepted that I do have a drug problem. Seeing my mom at rehab after a year was heart breaking, knowing that I have hurt and disappointed her a lot. Mom and I stopped talking again I understand why but I felt alone and abandoned. But in the end all I can do is prove to her that I can recover.
I have learned a lot here at PRC. I have learned to love myself again even though it took me a while to get there I finally did. I have learned to live on self will is just going to make everything harder and that I should let go and let God. The staff are so caring and understanding and not judgemental, they are always willing to listen when u have something on your heart that needs to come out. Yes I gave the staff a hard time in the beginning but not once have they given up on me. They even helped me to get my job back.
My relationship my mom is where it is suppose to be. I know it will take her long to trust me again bit I’m willing to work on it every single day. Soon my angel will be back with me again. Everything works out if u don’t force it but let God take control and not act on self will.
If it was not for this program and for the staff at PRC I would not have been where I am today. They have become a big part of my life. I will for ever be grateful to the staff here. It really does work if u work it.