How do I start a conversation with a loved one in addiction?
- Janine Meyer
- Nov 24, 2017
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 16, 2024
One of the biggest worries family or friends have is broaching the subject of the suspected abuse will exacerbate the problem with disastrous effects.
However, this could be a productive conversation as your family member/friend has not realised the abuse has escalated to the level of affecting their behaviour or is causing problems.
Without intervention, the problem can become severe with the same disastrous results mentioned earlier.
A few guidelines can help you broach the subject.
Choose the right time to bring up the subject. Wait until the person is calm and not under the influence of the substance.
Don’t be under the influence of a substance yourself.
Make time for the conversation. State you would like to talk to them and arrange a meeting with other loved ones who support you in the decision that your loved one needs help. You need an open line of communication and build a support network.
Remind them you care for them and this is affecting all of you. Emphasize the fact that you care for them and your relationship.
Each one writes a letter listing the changes in behaviour you have observed and states you are worried about the effect their substance use is having on themselves and your relationship and that you are concerned (afraid) about their continued use.
Ask him/her to allow you all the opportunity to read your lists out loud.
Don’t lecture but express your feelings.
After reading the letters, ask him/her how they feel about what they heard.
Use open-ended questions.
Reinforce a positive message of “we care about you”.
Your goal is not to tell them they have a problem, but to let them know you are concerned there is a problem based on your observations of their behaviour.
Don’t generalise or speculate, explore motives and don’t judge.
Don’t expect an immediate or dramatic change in behaviour, this could easily be the first time the person has thought there might be a problem.
Allow everybody to get a chance to speak. Do not interrupt someone else. It is important to create a neutral atmosphere as far as possible.
We suggest you use a professional interventionist as these conversations can become heated.
Your loved one may very well become defensive and argumentative and your emotional involvement may jeopardize your reaction.
An interventionist can guide the conversation to keep the focus on your intentions to seek help for him/her and not to be judgmental. The guilt and shame may very well cause resentment on their part because they are not able to identify their true emotions, defaulting to anger.
If the substance abuse disorder has been escalating considerably and is severe, it is time to create rock bottom for your loved one.
Enabling is the biggest factor in addiction and the hardest to stop from the family’s side. You might feel that you are not sponsoring his/her habit directly but the mere fact that they have a roof over their head and dinner every night, a safe environment is created for them to continue using.
Speak to an interventionist about consequences you may impose if your loved one does not seek help. Because of the severe nature of these consequences, it is not always easy to determine them on your own and a professional can discuss the importance with you.
This is the hardest part because you need to stick to them. If you allow yourself to give in you are essentially enabling your loved one and he/she has no reason to stop their behaviour.
Ideally, your loved one should be assessed by a qualified professional to determine the best treatment plan. They will consider among others, the severity of the substance abuse, and the person's medical and psychological history.
Discussing this could arouse feelings of fear, anger or disgust. Remember, they are likely to be feeling threatened. Withdrawal can also be dangerous and must be evaluated by a health professional.
Remember, there is no quick fix to substance abuse, prepare yourself for the long haul. There is a reason a person starts abusing a substance and these underlying causes need to be identified and resolved.
Summary:
Learn the art of initiating a compassionate conversation with a loved one in addiction. Understand the right time and setting, involve supportive loved ones, and express genuine care. Utilize letter-writing to share observations and concerns, fostering open communication. Navigate through the emotional challenges with professional interventionists for a focused dialogue. Recognize the role of enabling and setting consequences, seeking a qualified professional for a personalized treatment plan. Acknowledge the complexities of substance abuse, emphasizing a long-term commitment to recovery. Contact us for compassionate guidance and information on our comprehensive recovery program.
Choosing the Right Time and Environment
Overview: Initiating a conversation about substance abuse requires careful timing and a conducive environment.
Elaboration: Select a time when your loved one is calm and not under the influence of substances. Ensure that you, too, are not influenced by any substances. Creating a supportive and non-confrontational setting is crucial for a productive conversation.
Arranging a Supportive Meeting
Overview: Building a support network is essential; involve other loved ones in the conversation.
Elaboration: Communicate your intention to talk and arrange a meeting with supportive family or friends. Having a united front reinforces the message that substance use is a concern for everyone and emphasizes the need for help and support.
Expressing Care and Concern
Overview: Remind your loved one of your care and express concern about the impact of substance use.
Elaboration: Reassure your loved one that your intention is rooted in care and concern for their well-being and the relationship. Emphasize the collective worry about the effects of substance use on both their life and the relationships within the family.
Letter-Writing Exercise
Overview: Use a letter-writing exercise to share observations and feelings.
Elaboration: Each participant writes a letter detailing observed changes in behaviour, expressing worry about the impact of substance use. Reading these letters aloud provides a structured way to communicate concerns without lecturing, fostering open dialogue and understanding.
Engaging in Open-Ended Conversations
Overview: Use open-ended questions to encourage communication without judgment.
Elaboration: During the conversation, focus on expressing feelings rather than lecturing. Employ open-ended questions to explore motives, avoid generalizations, and refrain from speculation. The goal is to convey concern rather than to label or judge.
Involving a Professional Interventionist
Overview: Seek professional intervention to guide potentially heated conversations.
Elaboration: Recognizing the emotional intensity of such discussions, and involving a professional interventionist can be beneficial. A trained facilitator can steer the conversation, maintain focus on seeking help, and prevent it from becoming defensive or argumentative.
Setting Consequences for Non-Compliance
Overview: Establish consequences if your loved one refuses to seek help.
Elaboration: Enabling behaviours need to be addressed. Consult with an interventionist to determine appropriate consequences that can act as a catalyst for change. Setting and sticking to these consequences is crucial in promoting accountability and discouraging continued substance abuse.
Seeking Professional Assessment
Overview: Encourage professional assessment for a personalized treatment plan.
Elaboration: For severe cases, encourage your loved one to undergo a professional assessment by qualified experts. Assessments consider the severity of substance abuse and the individual's medical and psychological history, ensuring an informed and tailored treatment plan.
Preparing for the Long Haul
Overview: Recognize that substance abuse recovery is a long-term commitment.
Elaboration: Acknowledge that substance abuse is often rooted in underlying causes, and recovery is a gradual process. Identifying and resolving these underlying issues requires time and commitment from both the individual and their support network.
In summary, starting a conversation about a loved one's addiction involves careful planning, a supportive environment, and professional guidance. Expressing care, using structured communication methods, setting consequences, and encouraging professional assessment are essential steps in fostering understanding and initiating the path to recovery.
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